Regardless of your background or beliefs, weddings are sacred events overflowing with meaningful rituals shared in communion with family and friends.
In an increasingly connected world where borders are ever more blurred and love often transcends geography, religion, race and culture, imagine a couple standing at the altar, enveloped by the rich tapestry of two distinct cultures merging to create a vibrant celebration of unity.
WHAT IS A MULTICULTURAL WEDDING?
Multicultural weddings are celebrations of the union of two people from entirely different, distinct cultural or religious backgrounds. It’s a celebration where all rituals and melodies tell a story of merging paths.
Whether a kilt meets a kimono or henna clashes beautifully with heirloom lace, these weddings are not just about saying “I do.” They are together with their families, weaving a shared future from the rich threads of two distinct pasts while celebrating every stitch of cultural legacies and heritage each partner brings to the altar.
Culture and religion infuse weddings deeply, linking to ancestral traditions and celebrating the couple’s unique narrative. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that planning a multicultural wedding can be overwhelming, and blending these traditions introduces unique challenges and layers of complexity far thicker than those of the monocultural or mono-religious.
Couples must navigate differing family expectations and decide which customs to incorporate, which requires sensitivity, creativity and compromise. The experiences of couples navigating the rich terrain of multicultural wedding planning can be both enlightening and inspiring.
Consider a bride wearing a traditional South Asian lehenga for the ceremony and a classic Western dress for the reception, symbolizing the fusion of her and her partner’s backgrounds. Such stories illustrate the personal touches that make multicultural weddings deeply meaningful.
‘BLACK AMERICAN’-NIGERIAN WEDDING — LAOLU DAVIES-YEMITAN AND REAGAN FLOWERS
Reagan Flowers racially and ethnically identifies as a Black North American. Her husband, Laolu Davies-Yemitan, is Yoruba and originally from Lagos, Nigeria. They first met at a political event for a candidate she was supporting, and he had come to congratulate her on her win.
Their relationship, which started as a friendship traveling in the same social circles, evolved into a romance two years later when they went out on their first date. This instance was the first time Flowers dated anyone outside her race or culture. She believes that having that period as friends and dating allowed her to get comfortable with his culture and gave them time to appreciate each other’s religions, customs, and cultural traditions better.
It also helped that his family had previously had a multicultural wedding, which influenced his ability to navigate the cultural differences in his family’s expectations for wedding planning.
How They Fused Their Cultures in Their Wedding Celebration
Flowers is from a Baptist background. Davies-Yemitan, whose family practiced Christian Science in Nigeria before transitioning to “traditional” Christianity upon immigrating to the United States, faced the challenge of merging their distinct cultural and religious traditions. Flowers had to adjust to her husband’s Nigerian customs, especially after getting to know his large family, who leaned heavily into their Nigerian culture and traditions.
Davies-Yemitan comes “from a big family that maintains close ties with our extended family, so any affair such as a wedding inevitably becomes a family affair,” he says.
“In order to maintain the sense of family involvement, we worked early on to develop a plan that sufficiently incorporated my family’s input without taking away from any of our priorities,” he adds.
Despite these adjustments, Flowers found ways to adapt and embrace their customs.
To avoid a lengthy commute from the church to the reception hall, Flowers discovered an Indian Temple with an attached reception center known for hosting grand weddings. However, the challenge was that the temple rarely rented its space to non-Hindus.
Nevertheless, the temple officials permitted the couple to hold their wedding ceremony inside the temple.
In order to maintain the sense of family involvement, we worked early on to develop a plan that sufficiently incorporated my family’s input without taking away from any of our priorities.
The temple was stunning, genuinely reflecting the rich heritage of its community. Beautiful velvet red drapes covered the altar, creating an elegant and majestic ambiance. The red carpet, drapes and gold accents made it a visually captivating and culturally rich experience, adding another multicultural dimension to their fusion wedding celebration.
In planning their wedding, the couple blended elements from their respective cultures into the church ceremony and held multiple reception activities to fully celebrate each distinct culture on their wedding day.
One unique aspect of the wedding was incorporating the Nigerian custom of the groom’s family sending a letter to ask for the bride’s hand in marriage, which was followed by a ceremonial acceptance and the exchange of traditional gifts like gold, pounded yam and goat meat.
In Nigeria, people typically follow this custom early in their engagement. Since Davies-Yemitan’s family was primarily based in the U.S., they created a mini ceremony a few days before the wedding at one of Davies’ aunt’s homes, allowing both families to unite and honor their respective customs.
Flowers and Davies-Yemitan opted for a minimalist wedding party for their U.S.-influenced church ceremony, with just a maid of honor and a best man. A Nigerian pastor officiated the ceremony, which included participation from family elders in prayers and ceremonial pieces from Davies-Yemitan‘s Yoruba culture, which Flowers appreciated.
Flowers wore a traditional U.S. strapless white wedding gown at the church ceremony. She initially faced cultural differences with her dress choice, as her mother-in-law insisted on a jacket to cover her shoulders to ensure she would be comfortable during the ceremony. The tailor expertly addressed this concern, promising a perfect fit for the dress without needing a jacket.
The Wedding Receptions: Dual Celebrations Honoring Both Cultures
Following the ceremony, the couple honored their cultures and heritage for their wedding celebration. The events started with a U.S.-styled cocktail hour in an anteroom featuring all of Flowers’ favorite appetizers. After the cocktail hour, the doors revealed the first reception hall, set for their traditional U.S. wedding reception.
Flowers and Davies-Yemitan entered the reception hall for their long celebration day, followed by the entry of the bride’s family. Flowers’ family entered first with a simple walk and some light dancing before sitting down. Flowers shared that Davies-Yemitan’s Nigerian side insisted on re-entry with more exuberance from her family, fully embodying the celebratory spirit. The entry by Davies-Yemitan’s family was grander, featuring dozens of extended family members and close family friends adorned with beautiful, richly colored African fabrics.
The reception part of the celebration included all the usual wedding activities: the father-daughter dance, the mother-son dance, the bouquet and garter belt toss, the cake cutting and greeting over 800 guests at 80 tables. The joy and the warmth of family and friends filled the atmosphere, setting the stage for the upcoming Nigerian festivities.
As the U.S. reception wound down, guests came to their feet when suddenly the stage curtains rolled back to reveal a Nigerian band that had taken over from the disc jockey and was performing live, unbeknownst to the audience, which led to an electric reaction!
For the Nigerian reception, Flowers wore a gown shipped in from Nigeria and made from richly patterned Yoruba fabric chosen especially for her. Accompanying the gown was a beautifully tied Gele, a headwrap that matched the fabric and showcased layers of fabric artfully arranged to create a stunning headpiece. Flowers also wore traditional jewelry, including bold gold earrings and layered necklaces, all designed to harmonize with her gown’s vibrant patterns and colors.
Twelve friends joined her, each wearing custom Nigerian outfits. They could pick any pattern or design they wanted, as long as it was made from the cloth chosen by Davies-Yemitan’s family.
Likewise, Davies-Yemitan had his group of friends, all dressed in their chosen wedding fabric, creating a cohesive and culturally rich visual spectacle.
The party, adorned in their vibrant traditional attire, added to the festive and joyous atmosphere of the Nigerian reception.
As the couple made a reentry to the Nigerian reception with their friends, they were immediately welcomed with a “money dance” as friends and loved ones generously lavished the couple with hard currency.
FABRICS AND HEADWRAPS
At the Nigerian reception, various groups represented distinct parts of the family and friends. The eldest aunt‘s best friends, about 20 women, wore outfits made from a specific fabric. Davies-Yemitan’s mom had around 50 village friends, and all dressed uniquely. His uncle’s private school and boarding school friends also had coordinated outfits.
The diverse groups were easily identifiable by their Geles, the traditional headwraps. Matching Geles showed which tribe or group they belonged to, adding a beautiful and organized visual element to the celebration. Flowers’ eldest aunt warmly represented her side of the family.
However, many of Flowers‘ relatives, particularly her mother, found the African attire and customs unfamiliar and opted to wear Western-styled clothing for the reception. Despite this, Davies-Yemitan’s family remained kind and cordial.
Guests presented helpful items such as bags of salt, potatoes, flour, scrub pads and dry cloths. This tradition of giving practical gifts was an unexpected and delightful surprise for Flowers‘ U.S. family and friends, who found themselves leaving with groceries and household items.
The room buzzed with laughter and amazement as guests received unexpected gifts like spatulas, adding a distinctive and memorable touch to the celebration. The blending of these customs highlighted the rich cultural tapestry and the joyous spirit of the occasion.
Despite the challenges, Flowers embraced these customs, appreciating the sense of community and family support.
Flowers’ and Davies-Yemitan’s Advice
- Open communication is critical.
- Involve both families in the planning process. Respect and honor each culture‘s traditions while finding ways to incorporate your customs. This approach allows for a balanced and inclusive celebration that honors both the bride’s and groom’s backgrounds.
- Provide information about the reception beforehand so that guests know what to expect.
(Check out a different multicultural wedding in tomorrow’s Part 2.)
