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The Single’s Guide To Finding The Right Match – Book Review

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Culturs-expert-flagWhen I picked up (pun not intended) Daphna Levy’s “Picking Right”, I expected to discover a book about how to find the right match.  What I found was much more.  “Picking Right” shares the crucial ingredients necessary for a healthy and happy relationship, not only in the immediate present, but in the long-term. It challenges the current myths out there: namely that a good mate is hard to find. She reminds us that there are 7 billion people out there and that a relationship is a creation, not something that just happens to you.  Levy reminds us, without beating around the bush I might add, to simply trust our own judgment and shows us how to avoid common mistakes.  Finally, she points out what to watch out for and helps us identify the red flags we should never ignore.

The power of this book is also Levy’s use of real-life examples to further explain her point of view. Rather than only using one person’s experience, she reveals short examples of different people’s lives and relationships.  Her anecdotes and observations are not one-sided, contrary to so many other dating and relationship books; she is equally critical of men and women in abusive or dead-end relationships.

Often, reading a book about dating and relationships can be a passive experience, one in which we allow the focus to remain upon the author and individuals mentioned.  Levy prevents us from doing this.  Through powerful and practical exercises at the end of each chapter, she forces us, the readers, to stop and analyze our own choice of partner and further understand the status of our relationships.  The author encourages us to challenge our own beliefs of what a positive relationship encompasses.

One of her exercises, for example, delves into whether or not the relationship we are in truly enhances our lives. She provides a relationship-math equation that should be obvious to us all, but can often prove to be ignored: “When the Pick is truly Right, 1+1=3 or 4 or more. Both people thrive in the relationship. They are happier and more fulfilled than before. They accomplish more, both individually and as a team”.  She argues that if your partner and you add up to 2 or less than 2, you are not truly picking “right” as that person is not bringing any real value to your life.

Throughout the book Levy says things as they are: “This mushy emotion called “sympathy” is an unhealthy ingredient in a relationship. Use it to save a dying person or rescue an animal, but please don’t marry someone for whom you feel sorry!”  If you’re not a fan of tough love, “Picking Right” isn’t for you. However, if you want to ensure that you’re choosing the right partner and you are committed to building an honest, trust-worthy and long-lasting relationship, this is the book you need on your nightstand.

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9 comments

  1. This book has made such a huge difference in my life.  I realized, after I read it, that I was settling for what I thought I could get instead of what I really wanted.  As a result, what USED to be acceptable is no longer acceptable and I’m honestly happier as a result cuz I’m not betraying myself!  I’m also more specific about what I want and I was very guilty of the 1+1 = 2 or less equation.  Makes me laugh now but it wasn’t funny back then.  Ms. Levy’s book is soooo easy to understand, really really well-written and sooo fresh in her approach to relationships that I wish I had this book 20 years and 2 marriages ago.  Thanks for this review – you hit the nails right on their heads!

    1. Thanks Anoush! It’s so true what you said that Levy’s book is so easy to understand. I love how straight she is about everything. It makes it easier for the reader to actually have an action plan by the time they’ve finished reading it.

  2. What a great review! I’ve read and applied many of the exercises in Daphna’s book with great success myself. Thank you!

  3. What a great review, Olivia — and I completely agree! I also loved the short quotes interspersed throughout the book from a wide variety of well-known people — from Benjamin Franklin to Gandhi to Dr. Seuss — adding additional wisdom and humor to Daphna Levy’s excellent work.

    1. Absolutely Rosemary! I actually wrote most of those quotes down – they were brilliant. Especially the ones from Dr. Seuss that you forget about as an adult!

  4. This gem of a book came to my attention at just the right time ! I had been in , from my point of view , a one sided relationship for five years and was becoming more and more perplexed the longer I stayed . Reading this simple book thoroughly opened my eyes to the real game that was going on ……I was being played ! Full of real life examples the ” yeah , that was me ! ” type , it gives you simple but down to earth practical relationship tools to create a harmonious one .

  5. I couldn’t agree more with Olivia & Anoush! What Olivia states about it not being a “passive” book on relationships, is so very very true! The exercises are so amazing in assisting in bringing about awareness so as to not make the same mistakes again & to really know how to pick the right ones to have relationships with.

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